court certified batterer intervention and anger management programs for Santa Barbara County
ANGER MANAGEMENT SPECIALISTS
TEXT 805-242-2502
ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING
Poor communication often creates tension and bad feelings within relationships. It’s always useful to be
aware of your communication styles to avoid making errors or sounding agressive.
ASSERTIVENESS means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting
others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to:
- minimise conflict
- control anger
- have your needs better met
THE FORMULA TO USE AND PRACTICE DAILY: “I…” statements
“I FEEL ________________ (identify your true emotion like hurt, sad, afraid, frustrated)...
WHEN YOU ___________ (describe the behavior that triggered you: when you leave your socks on the floor,
when don't call me back, when you drink, when you yell, when you insult me, when you... ect)...
For me to feel better about our relationship, "I NEED _______________, (identify your true need: love, caring, safety, validation, understanding ect ).
Here you take responsibility for your OWN feelings and needs, instead of blaming the other party for not meeting them. Conveying what you feel in a matter-of-fact way provides a non-confrontational solution to get your voice heard and acknowledged.